Finding and Keeping your Soul Mate
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The shadchan says in that singsong voice, "So, tell me, what are you looking for?" And out comes the laundry list. "I need someone who is extroverted, funny, and outgoing." "I need a woman who is very frum, tolerant, and kind." "I need a bachur who is a take-charge type, strong but not headstrong." The lists are long, and the benchmarks are detailed and specific and, unwittingly, that is how many people make their first big mistake in dating. They aren't looking for their bashert (predestined match); they have already formed him in their minds, and now they're looking for the one that comes the closest to that image.